done.
i have nursed three kids.
there were times when i loved it, times when i hated it, times when i was about to give up, times when i thought there couldn't be anything more painful than this, times when i wondered why on earth people said this was a natural thing when there didn't seem to be anything intuitive about it, many times when i had no idea what i was doing, times when i lugged that god-awful pump here, there and everywhere in search of an outlet in what would hopefully be in an out of the way place, a time when i pumped in the middle of a crowded aiport bar (i couldn't find that out of the way outlet...), a lot of times when i saved even a 1/4 of an ounce of milk because it was so scarce and precious to me, times when i cried because i dropped the entire bag of milk, times when i felt like there wasn't any better accomplishment than having a freezer that had more milk in it than food, times when i have never felt closer to my children and times when i cherished every minute of it knowing it would soon be done.
i'm at that place again. i am done nursing. and this time, it is forever.
it has always ended right around this time. the kids became too aware of their surroundings and it was harder and harder to keep up. each time i have struggled with myself and said i should try harder and felt immense guilt at quitting, questioning once again if i was a bad mom because i didn't make it to one year (that made-up goal that for whatever reason was in my mind though never attained). each time i would end up pumping for at least an extra week or two or three just to keep up the idea that i was still breastfeeding because i wasn't quite ready to let it go. but life and work and taking care of the kids would get to me and i'd forget to pump one day and then the next too. and then that was it. each time it would come to an end without fanfare and it was always harder on me than the kids.
i consider myself very lucky that i was able to experience it with each of my children. but we are moving on. to new and different things. our family is growing up. 
8 comments:
Oh, that picture gave me chills! I love, love it - so darn sweet. I wish I had taken more pictures of me nursing. Great job on nursing 3 beautiful babies!
I too wish I had photos of my nursing. You did an awesome job and you should be very proud. Your family IS growing up!
Perfection. Perfectly said...I KNOW the feelings. You did an amazing job and what a bittersweet milestone!
You did a perfect job of summarizing the hardships ans emotions of the breastfeeding experience. Congrsts on breastfeeding three beautiful and healthy babies, Beth.
I am SO proud of you and how you mother those kiddos. (I'm partial to them, you know.)
I couldn't make it past 6 weeks, let alone 6 months three times! You deserve accolades for how above and beyond you've gone.
You are VERY lucky, and should be proud of all you've accomplished! What a beautiful journey of this! Your family is growing up, and your should commend yourself that they're doing it healthy!
Aww, dear - how bittersweet!! I know just how hard you worked for each and every bit of your "liquid gold" - you did a great job!!!
This made me tear up. I have immensely felt evey word of that, and it's especially poignant right now as my second baby turns one, I gave up pumping last week, and I know that nursing will also soon come to an end.
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